The truth is, I'm not as strong as everyone seems to think I am. In the midst of all my trails over the last couple of months, I have been told that I am so tough and that I have such a positive outlook on life. But honestly, I am not all that strong. 2 months ago, I had my whole life flipped upside down, inside out, and backwards. Everything that I had planned for my future was gone and I had to start from scratch. And to be quite honest, I had no idea how to. I spent the next few weeks feeling nothing but darkness. I felt lost, alone, crushed, sad, and honestly scared that I couldn't go on. There aren't really words to describe the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. I didn't know where to turn because here in Cedar City I was all alone. I came here for one reason, and now that that reason was gone, I didn't have one person that I could turn to. So, I turned to the only person I could, my Heavenly Father. I started praying 5-6 times a day, reading endless chapters in the Book of Mormon, and writing pages in my journal each night. I relied solely on Him for my strength and to just get me through each day. Without Him, I would not be standing where I stand today. Without Him, I would not have the testimony I have about trials. Because through this, I have learned that God sometimes takes people out of your life, not because there is something wrong with you, but because that person cannot go where you are going next. God removes them because they have already served their purpose in your life and greater things are in store for you. So when so many people tell me that I am so strong, and I am so tough, and that I have such a positive outlook, I shake my head and say it's not me, it's God. He makes me strong, He makes me tough, He is my positivity. He has literally picked me up and carried me through this trial. When I've prayed for peace, He's calmed my heart. When I prayed for comfort, He wrapped His loving arms around me.
I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that Heavenly Father knows you and He knows exactly what you need. I know that sometimes what we think is best for us, isn't, so He will shake things up in our lives. And even though that tends to cause heartache and pain, it will ultimately be the best thing for us. I know that through the Atonement, I am able to have someone who has felt exactly what I've felt and has experienced exactly what I've been through and who can relate to me perfectly. I am so thankful for my Savior Jesus Christ and for all that He does for me daily. I am so thankful for the comfort and peace that comes from this gospel and the happiness that comes from keeping the commandments. I am so blessed. And because of this gospel, and my Savior, and my Father in Heaven, I am okay. I am strong. And I am happy.
So the truth is, alone I am weak. But with Him, I have been made strong. He has given me the strength to accomplish everything in my life.
The truth is, without Him, this trial would've been too much for me. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.
The truth is, when I brought my broken heart to Christ, He stitched it back together. And that is something I never would've been able to do myself.
The truth is, I have never struggled more in my entire life than I have over the last 2 months, but I also have never felt closer to my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ. And for that, I am thankful for this trial.