Sunday, September 6, 2015

Another Wrong Road

So here I am again, telling you all why I'm not doing something I said I was. I'm sure you all know, or have speculated, that I am no longer engaged. This decision was hands down the hardest one of my life and Jordan and I made it together. After a lot of discussion, tears, and prayers, we both know that this is the path we need to be on right now. Words can't describe how much I love Jordan Kelly and how much we both wish this could work out, but it is not the Lords will. But I know that Cedar City is exactly where I am supposed to be and I wouldn't be here without Jordan so for that, and so many other reasons, I am always going to be thankful for him. 

It's really hard when Heaveny Father keeps doing things like this to me. He keeps giving me wrong things in life, making them seem so right, even answering prayers that they are, and then he takes them away from me. And why? For what? Well, I think it's because he knows that I needed to be in Cedar City, and the only way I would come here was if Jordan and I met. But still, couldn't he have found some other way? Something that didn't hurt as much as this does? I will never fully understand Gods plan for me and all I can do right now is rely on Him and His strength and His love to get me through. God has a plan made just for me and I just have to trust in Him and in that plan. 

A few months back, I shared a story by Elder Holland called "Wrong Roads" and to this day it is my favorite. It tells a story of Heavenly Father letting Elder Holland and his son go down a wrong path just so that they had experienced that and could full heartedly know that they were on the right one. This is a philosophy that I have used time and time again over the last year, and it works. If you keep your thoughts positive, and realize that maybe God is trying to get you from A-C as quickly as possible and the only way is by road B. But, B isn't always going to be an easy road; Heavenly Father wants to get you to your destination as quickly as He can and He knows what we can handle and he won't give us anything more than we can take. In times of heartache like this one, it takes perspective and faith and prayer to get through. It takes remembering that Heavenly Father knows me better than I know myself and He knows what I need at all times in my life. It takes knowing that no matter what happens I'm going to be okay because He is watching out for me. Getting through a trial like this isn't going to be easy, not even a little bit, but I know I can do it with Heavenly Father on my side. 

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