Attending the Temple

What a day it was. This morning as my husband, my mother, and I planned to attend the temple, we were astonished by the events that followed that day. To start off the day, I woke up extremely sick and received a priesthood blessing from my amazing husband (so thankful for him). As we continued to go throughout the day, my husband realized that he had left his temple recommend in Cedar City. After a moment of panic, we prayed, and found a way for him to still attend. We packed up the car and were ready to go. Half way to the temple, we realized my husband had also forgotten his temple clothing and the Draper temple did not rent clothing. Panic stricken again, we called the Draper temple and pleaded with them for a solution. After finding one, we again continued to drive to our destination. When we came into the temple, my mother realized she had forgotten her wallet which held her temple recommend! We said a prayer and she found her recommend in her purse (seriously the power of prayer guys wow). Finally, after a long day, we were able to attend the temple, be spiritually fed, and receive the blessings that come from temple attendance. And it was so worth the things we had to overcome to get there. 

As I now look back on the day, I realized that there were so many times that the 3 of us could have decided that "it wasn't worth it" or just not go; but we did not choose that. We chose to push through and get to the temple. I look back on today and realize that Satan does NOT want us in the temple and will do whatever it takes to keep us away. We must remember how important the temple is in our lives. I LOVE the temple and LOVE the closeness I feel to my Savior inside. Satan does not want us to feel that closeness so he puts trials in our way to try and discourage us. DO NOT LET HIM. With the power of Christ on our side, we can destroy Satan! Satan and the adversary will always be there, but so will Christ. Lean on Him and He will help you overcome anything. 

I promise you that if you do whatever it takes to regularly attend the temple, your life will be so incredibly blessed. You will have a sense of joy and happiness that only comes from within the walls of His holy houses. You will have a new found love for your family and friends around you. And you will especially have a new found love for your Savior. The temple is truly the most amazing place on earth and I wouldn't trade my experiences in the temple for anything. Let the temple be your goal and always strive to reach it.  I love the temple. I love my Savior. I love this church and I know it's true. 

"I love to see the temple, I'll go inside someday"

"I love to see the temple, I'll go inside someday."

My entire life, I have been taught about the temple and it's beauty and wonder. As I sat as a young child in primary, I sang about the temple with awe and could not wait to enter the doors and go inside. However, I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to be excited for. I didn't understand and could not comprehend the temple at such a young age. 

When I turned 12, I was able to get my very first temple recommend (for baptisms for the dead) and go to the temple for my very first time! I thought that this was what I'd waited my whole life for and was filled with excitement and overwhelmed with joy. Little did I know that baptisms for the dead was just the beginning of the incredible work done in the temple.

As I got older, I learned more and more about the temple and got more and more excited. I realized that although doing baptisms for the dead is so important, there were things in the temple that were so much more personal and important. No matter how old I got, the words "I love to see the temple, I'll go inside someday" still rang in my ears. With each year I grew, the excitement to receive the blessings of the temple also grew. 

When I entered into the Miamaid class in the Young Women's organization, a common topic became temple marriage. It was then that I made that my absolute goal. I was determined to live a life worthy of the man who would one day take me to the temple. As I worked toward my goal, I remembered that young child who sat in primary and stared in awe at the pictures of the beautiful temples. I remembered going to do baptisms for the dead for the first time and being amazed by the beauty inside and the spirit I felt there. Every day when I would think about my goal, the words "I love to see the temple, I'll go inside someday" still came to mind. My goal was clear and my stance was set- I would be married in the temple.

There were days when my goal seemed impossible to reach, when life challenges were straining or Satan's temptations were too strong; but no matter what happened in life, my goal didn't waiver- I would be married in the temple. I learned the blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the true meaning of repentance. I learned the importance of keeping my baptismal covenants, keeping the commandments, and holding tightly to the iron rod. Life happened and Satan worked hard to break me, and even though at times I felt broken beyond repair... my goal did not change. I knew that no matter what I had to do, no matter how many trials I had to face, no matter how hard Satan worked to push me down, I would get back up and I would get married in the temple. 

"I love to see the temple, I'll go inside someday."

This past week has been the absolute best week of my life because "someday" came. On February 25th, 2016, after a lifetime of preparation, I went inside of the Lord's beautiful House and made eternal covenants. I can honestly say that I have never been more filled with the spirit and I have never felt closer to my Father in Heaven or to my family. As I sat next to my sweet mother in the temple, I held her hand the entire time. We smiled together, cried together, and even fist bumped a couple times. There is no one else I would have rather shared that experience with, I love her. It was such an incredible feeling to be able to look at my sweet soon to be husband with me in the temple and realize that after years and years of heart break and hard work, I had found a man who was worthy and able to take me through the temple. And two days later on February 27th, 2016, he did just that. As Kade and I kneeled across the alter in the Mount Timpanogos Temple sealing room, I felt overwhelmed with love, joy, and the spirit. I wish I could put into words the way I felt as I looked at this man that I was about to be sealed to for time and all eternity, it was truly the most amazing moment of my life. 

The temple is the most wonderful place and I am so thankful for the covenants I was able to make there. Now that I have entered the temple and received the blessings, I am anxious and excited to continually return to the temple to savor again the experience of being within the sacred walls of the holy house of God and have the wonders of life eternal open again. I cannot wait to once again have my heart, mind, and soul filled with the sweet spirit that is inside of the temple. I promise you all, living a temple worthy life is worth it. Keeping the commandments is worth it. Whatever you have to do to be worthy to enter the temple is worth it. I wouldn't trade my experiences in the temple for any other thing in this world. The joy, spirit, love, happiness, and wonder I felt left me completely speechless. 

Remain worthy, remain steadfast, and look forward because the blessings of the temple are waiting for YOU and they will change your life just like they have changed mine. 

2015

2015 brought the worst and the best times of my life. I learned some pretty hard things in some extremely tough ways, like what true heartbreak, betrayal, and complete loneliness felt like. I learned what it's like to feel like there's no where to turn. I learned the fear of being all alone in a new place. But because of all those experiences, I was able to learn how much my Savior loves me, the undoubtable power of prayer, the real meaning of love, and what I deserve as a daughter of God. 2015 broke me and then rebuilt me into a new and better person that I couldn't love more. And even though it was the hardest thing I've ever had to face, I would go through it over and over again if it meant I got to be where I am right now. I would go through it over and over again because of the things I learned and the testimony I gained. 

 In January of 2015, I shared my testimony on here and since then it has grown tremendously. I have learned more about myself, this gospel, and my Savior Jesus Christ in 2015 than I have in my entire life as a whole. I have felt the spirit more and I have never been stronger in the church than I am right now in life.

So with that being said, I would like to share my testimony with you. 

I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only true church on the earth. I know that Joseph Smith restored the church and translated the Book of Mormon. I know that he devoted his life to protecting the word and because I know this I also know that the Book of Mormon is true. I know that the Book of Mormon was written for us in our day and that we can receive guidance and answers to life's questions in it's pages. I know that if we read each day we will be blessed and will have endless happiness in our lives. I know that God hears and answers our prayers even if He answers them in a way that isn't what we were hoping. I know that if you get on your knees and talk to your Heavenly Father, He will lift you up. He will give you peace, hope, comfort, and love. Prayer is the most amazing tool we have, I mean how amazing is it that we can talk to our Creator and receive answers? I am so thankful for that privilege. I know that God has a plan for us, that everything that happens in our life happens for a reason and that God will pull us through any trial. I know that we are given trials for a reason and that through our trials we will grow more than we ever thought possible. I am thankful that through my trials I have been able to grow closer to my Savior and learn more about myself and this gospel. Trials are essential to our life on this earth but we do not have to go through it alone. We have a Father in Heaven and a Savior who love us eternally. I know that our Savior died for each of us so that we could utilize the atonement and return to live with Him again someday. I know that coming to Christ and repenting of our sins is the only way to live in Celestial glory. Repentance is absolutely real and God's grace and mercy covers anything we've ever done and everything in our lives. No matter what we do, if you come unto Christ with a truly repentant heart, we can be forgiven and be clean again. God's grace can and will save you. I also know that the atonement isn't just for repentance, it is also for comfort because the Savior has felt every single one of our pains and hardships. I know that Jesus Christ understands everything we feel in this life because he knelt in the garden and felt it all. I know that our Father in Heaven will carry us through anything in our life. No matter how down or how worthless we feel, God can save us. He will never leave us alone, He is always there. He will never let you down, He will never let you go if you will just turn to Him. The power of the Savior's atonement is endless and omnipotent. And I am so thankful for the atonement's power in my life. I know that the gospel and this church are the only way to have true happiness. This church brings happiness that nothing else in this world can because the gospel brings happiness that lasts for eternity. The happiness that is felt in the gospel can't even be compared to any kind of temporal or earthly happiness because the happiness brought by the gospel is eternal and perfect. That kind of happiness doesn't just stay for a moment, it stays for an eternity. I am so incredibly thankful to have this church in my life and because of this, I wish to share it with the world because everyone deserves to feel the indescribable happiness that the gospel brings. I know all of this because I have experienced it all in my life. I have read the Book of Mormon and received answers from God. I have used the atonement to feel comfort and to be made clean again. I have been saved by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ when I have been at the lowest point in my life. I have had my prayers answered and received revelation from the Lord. I have felt the eternal joy that this church brings. I have felt God carry me through the toughest times in my life. And sometimes, those toughest times are the best things that have ever happened to us because we are able to find our true selves and come to better know Heavenly Father's love for us. I could never deny any of these things because I have seen them at work in my life. I could never doubt because I have felt the spirit and the Holy Ghost has made these things known to me. I know that if we put our full trust in God, He will never let us down. He has more power than we can imagine (Mosiah 5:2). He loves us with unconditional and everlasting love. It's a kind of love that nothing can compare to. I have felt His love and continue to feel it everyday; it is truly the most wonderful feeling. I know that I am a child of God and a daughter of a King. I am so blessed. I have so much to be grateful for and I am so proud to be a member of this amazing church. There is no doubt in my mind that this church is true. I love the gospel and I love my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ.

Our Personal Gethsemane

At some point in life, everyone must experience their own personal Gethsemane. For the Savior, this meant experiencing the most excruciating pain ever felt as He suffered for all the pain and sin in the world. For the Savior, this meant experiencing Satan head on and reaching a breaking point where He wanted to give up. For us, this is when we experience those times where we are in such suffering that we are on the brink of life. It's when we feel as if everything in our life is going wrong. It's when we feel completely lost and absolutely alone. It's when we can't see the way out and have completely lost all hope.  For us, our Gethsemane is the nights spent crying because we feel like it'd be easier if we simply just disappeared. 

Although this event that we call our Gethsemane may be different for everyone, that doesn't mean that one person's pain and suffering is worse than another's. But no matter what it is, this event will lead you to a point in your life where you must decide which path to take. You can take the easy way out, which is turning away from Christ, thinking He has turned away from you. Or, you can use your own personal Gethsemane to rely solely on Christ and put your life in His hands. By putting your life in His hands, you learn that Christ will never turn His back on you because He loves you and He has a plan for you. And just as Heavenly Father's plan involved Christ suffering unimaginable pain in Gethsemane, there are times in our life where pain is a part of the plan. 

So what do we do with this pain? What is its purpose in our lives? Well, over the last few months, I have experienced what I believe to be one of my own personal Gethsemane's and I have learned that from our pain and from our tribulation can come the most beautiful testimony and understanding of our Father in Heaven and His son Jesus Christ. My Gethsemane has taught me that no matter how dark things are, there is always light. No matter how bad things seem, there is always good. No matter how broken you are, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ can and WILL heal you. I have learned that because Christ suffered His Gethsemane completely alone, we do not have to suffer ours alone. Christ knows. He perfectly understands every single thing you've ever gone through and He has felt every single pain you've ever felt. He is there and He is waiting for you to come to Him. I have learned that if you let it, your own personal Gethsemane will make you stronger than you ever believed you could be. It will make you realize that there is ALWAYS a light and there is ALWAYS hope because Christ is the light and Christ is our hope. I have learned that just as Christ knew that His Father would be there for Him and that eventually the day would come when He would no longer have to feel the pain's and suffering's of this world, we too will experience our own days where everything comes together. We just need to be patient enough to allow God to give us the experiences we need to have in order to learn the things of this world and draw nearer unto Him. I wouldn't trade my personal Gethsemane for anything because I have learned more about myself and this gospel during this time than I have in any other time in my life. I have learned to pray the hardest when it is the hardest to pray. I have learned that Christ's atonement is available to all and it will heal you. I have learned that I am never alone.

So when you face your own personal Gethsemane, remember that there is a way out and HE IS THE WAY! Christ will guide you through every trail and tribulation no matter how excruciating the pain or how lost you may feel. Don't allow yourself to get trapped in the darkness the comes from losing sight of Christ and believing Satan's lies that things will never get better. Because no matter the trial, the day will come when the pain will be lifted and you will be rewarded for your obedience and endurance. Remember that you are never alone and someone does understand because someone has already experienced this pain. Draw nearer unto Christ and He will draw nearer unto you. 

The path of salvation always goes through Gethsemane. 

Never Give Up

The last year of my life has been complete hell. Yes, I realize that there are people out there with no food, water, shelter, or other necessities that I tend to take for granted. I know there are people who are losing loved ones and are without families. So let me rephrase that, the last year of my life has been complete personal hell. My entire life, I have struggled to trust people around me. I have always been an extremely kind, giving, and selfless person and it has tended to get me used a lot of times in my life. I cannot count the times that I have been taken for granted, abandoned, walk on, or used. But, through all those times throughout my life I got through it because my ultimate goal in life has been for others to be happy. But this last year was different. Throughout this last year, I have experienced more heartbreak, abandonment, betrayal, disloyalty, and pain than I ever have before. It started at the New Year when a silly boyfriend who cheated on me broke my heart. It was so sad, but I always knew things would be okay. I knew I would learn to trust again and I knew I would find a way to love again. That’s when the next boy came along. It was February 2015. He was like my knight in shining armor, a new light brought into my dark life. He loved me more than anyone ever has and cared for me deeper than I’ve ever been cared for before. Our time together meant more to me than any other time I’ve spent with any other person. I moved over 200 miles away from all my friends and family to be with him in May and when he proposed in July, I had never been happier. Seeing the man I loved more than anyone in the world down on one knee with the most beautiful ring in his hand, realizing he was mine for eternity was the most overwhelming and joyful experience I had ever had. I had never experienced such happiness. And, I thought that was it. I would never have to experience heartbreak like I had previously in my life and I had finally found my true prince charming. But then, 2 months later on September 5, my prince charming shattered me into a million pieces. Once you’re engaged, the thought of breaking up doesn’t even cross your mind. You’ve done it, you’ve found the one that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with and you don’t have to worry anymore. You can settle in, put down roots, and become comfortable. The trust issues I had been struggling with my entire life and the walls I had built up could now come down. And that’s what I’d done. I had invested my entire heart and trust, something I had never fully done before, into this man I thought I would spend eternity with. And when he walked away, I had never been so caught of guard, but I wasn’t just going to let all that go so I fought with everything I had in me. But, in the end, it wasn’t enough. He broke every promise he’d made to me and walked away from the life we were supposed to have together. The next 3 months were full of heart breaking moments that made me relive the pain over and over. Within weeks, he had a new girl in his life and a few more weeks after that they were officially together and I officially could not take it anymore. My heart was broken, but it was more than that because I was broken. There were mornings and nights when I could hardly breathe because of the intense pain in my chest. There were days that lasted weeks and weeks that lasted years. Once a person has their heart ripped out the way I have, something in them changes. A switch flips that permanently puts up walls and doesn’t ever intend on letting them down. The trust issues increase to an unimaginably high number. And their faith that everything is going to “be okay” goes away. Once a person has experienced the kind of abandonment and pain I have, they change. They’re not as open or outgoing. They stay to themselves because being alone is better than the thought of being hurt again. I’m different now because of the things I’ve been through, and I just have to learn to go on throughlife this way. The last year of my life has changed everything about me. Everything I thought I knew about others and myself have been flipped upside down and the only constant thing I have been able to rely on is the gospel of Jesus Christ. But that doesn’t mean I always relied on it. I had moments of overwhelming doubt and times when I didn’t feel the love of my Savior at all. I’m not proud to admit it but over the course of those 3 months, I had times when I went as far as doubting the existence of my Savior and the truthfulness of this church. However, without the church as a constant in my life, I would not be here today. Without the gospel in my life I would not be able to get through this trial that I am currently facing. The atonement of Christ has offered more life, love, hope, peace, and comfort, than anyone or anything in this world could give me. The words of the scriptures bring more hope than one could ever imagine. Being able to talk to my Father in Heaven every day brings me the glimpses of happiness that let me know that things can and will be okay again. I can’t see it right now, but because of my Savior Jesus Christ, I know that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel that I am in. The last year of my life has tried me in ways that I never thought I could over come.  The last year of my life has hurt me in ways that I did not think were even possible. The last year of my life has broken and bent me in ways that I did not think one could recover from. But, because of this gospel and because of this church, I have been able to over come, to defeat the impossible, and recover from all pain. Yes, this has been the hardest year of my life, but it has also been the year that I have truly learned how amazing and wonderful and beautiful this gospel is. This last year has shown me a depth of the light of Christ that I didn’t know existed and that is why I am thankful for everything that I have been through in the last year of my life.  So my advice to you is never give up and never quit. Because even if you can’t see it, even if you’re life is so dark you are contemplating not living it anymore, I have been there and I promise you there is a light. And He is the light. Find Him, reach out to Him, and He will grab you by the hand and carry you out of the darkness. He will never let you be alone. He loves you and you are His. 

So the reason I tell you all of this is simply to say that no matter what you've been through, no matter what your personal hell is, don't stop trying. There is a light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see it. The reason I tell you all of this is best explained by the words of Jeffrey R. Holland "Don't you give up, don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. It will all be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come." Never give up. No matter how hard things get or how empty you feel or how hopeless things may seem- don't you dare give up. 

(Also, don't let this post discredit all the amazing things my ex did for me in our time together because the 8 months we had together were filled with amazing times and in our time together he was so great to me. Sometimes things and people just change) 

His Plan > Mine

This time last year, I looked at the year I had ahead of me and saw so many things. I had a whole plan for my life and I was set on it. It was absolutely perfect and I was determined to chase after it. Then, everything fell apart. That plan didn't work out and I spent many months picking myself back up and rebuilding a new me.

The same thing happened about 4 months ago, I decided what my future looked like and I mapped it all out. I had such a perfect image and plan for what the coming years of my life were going to look like. I was at a point in my life where I didn't think I had anything to worry about. I was comfortable and safe and my future was set. Then, everything fell apart. That plan didn't work out and I've spent the last 2 months picking myself back up and rebuilding a new me.

It's not easy to go through something like that. It's really not easy feeling like you've finally got it all figured out and then have it all come shattering down on you. But, this life isn't easy and it's not supposed to be. Here I am, after everything I've been through, not even close to where I thought I'd be at this time in my life. This "perfect plan" I'd made for my life has been left behind and a new path has revealed itself. And that path, is the path to Heavenly Father's plan for me. I am so thankful that I have a Heavenly Father who knows what I need and watches out for me; a Heavenly Father who loves me endlessly. I'm thankful that He took away things and people that I loved in order to put me on a better path. I'm beginning to realize that my "perfect plan" is never going to be better than the plan that Heavenly Father has for me. He has a map of my life and if I follow Him and keep His commandments, I know that I will be put on His path and I know that His path will be the path full of the most happiness this life has to offer. From the trials in my life, I know that if we just put our full trust in Him and His plan and live the fullness of the gospel, our lives will be filled with eternal and everlasting happiness. And I know that He has a plan for all of us and I have learned that His plan is always better than the one I have in mind.

So, many times in the last few months I have asked myself, "Where do I go now?" And each time I am reminded of Hymn 270 and the line in the chorus that says,
"I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,
Over mountain or plain or sea;
I'll say what you want me to say , dear Lord,
I'll be what you want me to be."

So, where do I go now? The answer to that is up to the Lord. I have decided to let my Father in Heaven completely lead and guide my life. I will go where He wants me to and do what He wants me to. And I know that by doing this, I will find out what His plan is for me.

The Truth Is

The truth is, I'm not as strong as everyone seems to think I am. In the midst of all my trails over the last couple of months, I have been told that I am so tough and that I have such a positive outlook on life. But honestly, I am not all that strong. 2 months ago, I had my whole life flipped upside down, inside out, and backwards. Everything that I had planned for my future was gone and I had to start from scratch. And to be quite honest, I had no idea how to. I spent the next few weeks feeling nothing but darkness. I felt lost, alone, crushed, sad, and honestly scared that I couldn't go on. There aren't really words to describe the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. I didn't know where to turn because here in Cedar City I was all alone. I came here for one reason, and now that that reason was gone, I didn't have one person that I could turn to. So, I turned to the only person I could, my Heavenly Father. I started praying 5-6 times a day, reading endless chapters in the Book of Mormon, and writing pages in my journal each night. I relied solely on Him for my strength and to just get me through each day. Without Him, I would not be standing where I stand today. Without Him, I would not have the testimony I have about trials. Because through this, I have learned that God sometimes takes people out of your life, not because there is something wrong with you, but because that person cannot go where you are going next. God removes them because they have already served their purpose in your life and greater things are in store for you. So when so many people tell me that I am so strong, and I am so tough, and that I have such a positive outlook, I shake my head and say it's not me, it's God. He makes me strong, He makes me tough, He is my positivity. He has literally picked me up and carried me through this trial. When I've prayed for peace, He's calmed my heart. When I prayed for comfort, He wrapped His loving arms around me.

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that Heavenly Father knows you and He knows exactly what you need. I know that sometimes what we think is best for us, isn't, so He will shake things up in our lives. And even though that tends to cause heartache and pain, it will ultimately be the best thing for us. I know that through the Atonement, I am able to have someone who has felt exactly what I've felt and has experienced exactly what I've been through and who can relate to me perfectly. I am so thankful for my Savior Jesus Christ and for all that He does for me daily. I am so thankful for the comfort and peace that comes from this gospel and the happiness that comes from keeping the commandments. I am so blessed. And because of this gospel, and my Savior, and my Father in Heaven, I am okay. I am strong. And I am happy.

So the truth is, alone I am weak. But with Him, I have been made strong. He has given me the strength to accomplish everything in my life.
The truth is, without Him, this trial would've been too much for me. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.
The truth is, when I brought my broken heart to Christ, He stitched it back together. And that is something I never would've been able to do myself.
The truth is, I have never struggled more in my entire life than I have over the last 2 months, but I also have never felt closer to my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ. And for that, I am thankful for this trial.